What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
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It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
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I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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