did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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