Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize