Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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