That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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