it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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