ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
