I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
