my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
