So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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