I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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