Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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