Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
