I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
