Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
