Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize