I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
