Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
