WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
