Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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