Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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