He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
