i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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