I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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