when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
