'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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