Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
