I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
