Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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