I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
