Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
