i will never coherently bang her
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
