and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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