I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
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Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I forget how to act sober
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