..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the condom got lost in my hair
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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