Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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