Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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