Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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