he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
