Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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