Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize