the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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