i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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