you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
