We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
