sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
two words: eviction party
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just puked most of my soul out..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
