Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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