oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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