Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
