He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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