The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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