The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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