Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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