He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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