Nicole vs. Life
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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