they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
