Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
