Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
