Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm sobbing to NWA
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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