I want to have your abortion
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
