I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
