Define "chronic" masturbator.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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