LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
