im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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