yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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