Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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