I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
