i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
