Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
