i just google imaged poop.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
