What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
