the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
