so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
