Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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