when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
