i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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